I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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