Where is the hickey?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
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The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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