I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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