don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just high enough for therapy.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
