fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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