who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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