yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
