She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
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