Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
