Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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