after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
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Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
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I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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