My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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