i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
