I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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