What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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