i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
