does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
