I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
