its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
