My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
