ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
