Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize