Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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