Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
