I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
