you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
