he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You left your phone here
Wait...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
