My nipple is on Facebook.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
