She bit a glass in half.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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