you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize