In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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