fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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