drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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