i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
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Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
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Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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