There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
