You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Did I show you my penis last night?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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