I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
