and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
