bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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