i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
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