No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
