dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i was born a porn star she said
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
