mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
