I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
