I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
