you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
