the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
