puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
