I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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