Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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