So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
