why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
