If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
