I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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