my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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