there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
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The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
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