He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
