you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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