so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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