I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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