i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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