fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
