Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
