in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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