We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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