I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
