Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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