Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
