so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
