He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
