do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
